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Death isn't romantic - young widows

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October 2nd, 2009

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08:05 am - Death isn't romantic
This was posted to an acquaintance's Facebook page on the 2nd anniversary of my husband's death. I really have no idea how to respond to this. If I could have laid down and died, too, I probably would have. I don't really find anything romantic about it, just a lot of pain.

"Just watched Walk the Line while cleaning. Does anybody else think it's romantic that Johnny Cash died 4 months after June? Really, to be that in love with someone that you really cannot go on with out them? I think it's lovely."
Current Mood: numbnumb

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Date:November 13th, 2009 06:31 pm (UTC)
That's a double-edged sword, right there... my husband Seamus passed away 18 months ago yesterday, and I honestly thought I Could. Not. Go. On. When they told me there was no more hope for him, I thought I would stop breathing when he did. I couldn't imagine that life would ever be worth living again. I thought that feeling OK about life would somehow lessen the love I have for my husband, or the bond that we shared.

I felt that way every second of every day for the first six months, then some days I didn't hate life so much, then it became most days... and now? I've somehow managed to move forwards, to enjoy my life again. To move on without moving AWAY from him... to enjoy new experiences and even begin to believe in love again. I still have days where I feel that I can't go on, despite all the wonderful positive things in my life. I'm actually in a wonderful new relationship now, with someone who understands that I will always love my husband but also will never expect him to compete with that - the feelings I have for my boyfriend and the love I will always have for my husband can and do coexist. It's not always easy for me to make sense of things, and I'm lucky that my boyfriend is so understanding... but it's a wonderful thing to know that life can and does go on.

I've had some people treat me with disdain for "moving on" as they see it. That implies leaving the past behind, which I will never do. He comes with me everywhere, he is in my heart and my mind always, and that will never change. The people who truly care, though, understand that this happiness is a natural and welcome part of life and the grieving process. How realistic is it for someone who is widowed at 25 to spend the rest of their life in mourning, never wanting to enjoy themselves or to live their life to the fullest again?

I do believe that I'll see my Seamus again, and I know that I will love him always no matter what else happens in my life. That is what's important.

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