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October 2nd, 2009


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becka_kitty
08:05 am - Death isn't romantic
This was posted to an acquaintance's Facebook page on the 2nd anniversary of my husband's death. I really have no idea how to respond to this. If I could have laid down and died, too, I probably would have. I don't really find anything romantic about it, just a lot of pain.

"Just watched Walk the Line while cleaning. Does anybody else think it's romantic that Johnny Cash died 4 months after June? Really, to be that in love with someone that you really cannot go on with out them? I think it's lovely."
Current Mood: numbnumb

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From:kellidunham
Date:October 2nd, 2009 02:01 pm (UTC)
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People are idiots. I read somewhere that grief is a language and until you've lost someone you love, you don't speak it. It's like the person posted something in a language they didn't understand. Of course it made no sense.

As to what to say? I go back and forth between wanting to school people and letting them think their own stupid thoughts. What do YOU need in this situation?

(Deleted comment)
From:becka_kitty
Date:October 2nd, 2009 08:54 pm (UTC)
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I ended up posting "I really don't know how to respond to that." But good grief I thought we were taught that death wasn't romantic when we studied Romeo and Juliet in High School.
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From:puddock
Date:October 3rd, 2009 05:47 pm (UTC)
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I wanted so much to die of a broken heart, i thought it was so unfair that I didn't. I would be so mad at this person, I would feel the implication was I didn't love my husband enough or I would have done the right thing and died too. Pah, Kellidunham is right people are idiots and they don't get it until they join the club.
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From:katzinoire
Date:October 8th, 2009 04:43 pm (UTC)
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Did they miss the part where they were older? That dying 4 months apart made sense due to their age? I see both sides of the coin-I get why one would think that was romantic since they survived a lot with each other and losing that half was hard, however they were both sick already-so him dying made more Karmic sense, than romantic sense.

A lot of us are not in our eighties. I know I don't want to die to be with my husband again anytime in the near future-although when the time comes, I think he'll be there. I wonder if he'll ever show up at different points in my life, I dream about him-but I know how much life meant to him since his was cut short, so I am living my life span to the fullest not only for myself, but to honor his. Does that make sense?
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From:fitfool
Date:October 14th, 2009 12:16 pm (UTC)
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I think when people say that, they're more admiring the depth of the love. I don't think that person meant in any way to suggest that those who manage to survive the death of their loved ones love them any less. When Michael died, I remember kinda wishing I could have died then too. He didn't believe in an afterlife though so it's not like I wanted to die and be with him again....it's just that living without him seemed an impossible task. I don't know that she really understands how painful that loss is and in some ways...it's probably just as well for her for now. I certainly had no idea how much pain a person could feel and survive until it happened to me and I don't wish it upon anyone else.
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From:divamelisande
Date:November 13th, 2009 06:31 pm (UTC)
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That's a double-edged sword, right there... my husband Seamus passed away 18 months ago yesterday, and I honestly thought I Could. Not. Go. On. When they told me there was no more hope for him, I thought I would stop breathing when he did. I couldn't imagine that life would ever be worth living again. I thought that feeling OK about life would somehow lessen the love I have for my husband, or the bond that we shared.

I felt that way every second of every day for the first six months, then some days I didn't hate life so much, then it became most days... and now? I've somehow managed to move forwards, to enjoy my life again. To move on without moving AWAY from him... to enjoy new experiences and even begin to believe in love again. I still have days where I feel that I can't go on, despite all the wonderful positive things in my life. I'm actually in a wonderful new relationship now, with someone who understands that I will always love my husband but also will never expect him to compete with that - the feelings I have for my boyfriend and the love I will always have for my husband can and do coexist. It's not always easy for me to make sense of things, and I'm lucky that my boyfriend is so understanding... but it's a wonderful thing to know that life can and does go on.

I've had some people treat me with disdain for "moving on" as they see it. That implies leaving the past behind, which I will never do. He comes with me everywhere, he is in my heart and my mind always, and that will never change. The people who truly care, though, understand that this happiness is a natural and welcome part of life and the grieving process. How realistic is it for someone who is widowed at 25 to spend the rest of their life in mourning, never wanting to enjoy themselves or to live their life to the fullest again?

I do believe that I'll see my Seamus again, and I know that I will love him always no matter what else happens in my life. That is what's important.
[User Picture]
From:perdus
Date:October 20th, 2011 08:20 pm (UTC)

Walk the line

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I can`t speak for someone that is in their 70`s or 80`s, but I am not sure you can die of a broken heart. If that were true, I would be dead by now. And I don`t think you can will yourself to die either, or I would be gone.

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