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August 8th, 2009

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12:24 pm - some advise would be amazing right now!
next month, on the 11th it will be a year since my Bill passed. We had two babies. He had a best friend Bill talked to everyday and I've know him since the day I meet Bill, over 5 years ago now. We have become really close, we enjoy each others company and it has lead to more than a friendship, this is the first time i have truely been happy since bill died. my parents like him, and dont see anything wrong with it and nether does bryans family... but bills family is going A-wall on me! saying it isnt right, Bill wouldnt approve, and I think bill would approve, nobody would love Bills kids better than Bryan he's known my boys there whole life! It has gotten so bad my xbrother in law is leaving me nasty msg's to the point of threatning me and bryan I called the cops and Bills sister inlaw sending me terrible text msg's! I dont know why they are acting this way.... im happy finally! I don't think there is anything wrong with it, he is a good person and he treats me amazing. Anybody elses input would be helpful.
Current Mood: crushedcrushed

(7 comments | Leave a comment)


[User Picture]
Date:August 8th, 2009 04:34 pm (UTC)
i dont think theres anything wrong with this. i think bill would want you to be happy and even better it makes two people he cares about happy. so why not? His family probably wont want you to be with anyone at all, but you cant live life like that, they cant see it now but im sure they will relax and get over it. in time...
[User Picture]
Date:August 8th, 2009 10:45 pm (UTC)
I'm very sorry for your loss. And I'm also sorry to mention this, but you need to be proactive about this situation. You need to counter with legal action against threats and harrassment. His family seems very hurt that you're moving on without Bill. They're not in the same place with their grieving, and it sounds to me like they're not equipped to handle grief and hardship with a healthy attitude. It's not easy, no matter how it goes, but if you're emotionally unhealthy, it's ten times worse. I wouldn't be surprised if they're in a huge amount of denial over his death, and don't like to speak of it.

I agree with you, and the rest of your family. Bill would probably feel good about his best friend loving and caring for his family. You seem realize that Bill cannot be an earthly husband to you now (I don't know what your thoughts on the afterlife are...so I'll just leave it at that), and his family hasn't gotten there yet. I'm happy that you have found some peace. I know exactly what you feel - although I'm not ready for another relationship at this point in my grief. (My one year was in May)

Right now, it's best to cut them out of your life, if you can. I know that your children will suffer without his family around, but it's not fair to you or them if you enable their behavior. Good luck to you. I hope it works out when the pieces fall to the ground.
[User Picture]
Date:August 10th, 2009 01:17 am (UTC)
me and bryan just felt comfort in being around each other, bill was a brother to him, and he was brother to bill, more than his real brother ever, its so sad. i have cut them out, bills brother scares me though and soon he will be living not to far from me. since his brother died he has collected guns and has said many things of hurting other people including himself. i never thought this would happen, but they will not be a part of me and my kids life acting like this. life is to short and i thought they would have relised this losing bill! i guess not :(
[User Picture]
Date:August 8th, 2009 10:55 pm (UTC)
I'm going to be blunt here because I have experience with this situation. The only differences are that I didn't have any kids with Cliff and it was only about 2 months after for me.

Tell them to fuck off and that they're only concerned with this because they feel you're cheating on Bill. They have no idea what kind of hell you've been through. Yeah, they were the parents and that's the hardest thing ever and so on and so forth, but they weren't the ones that had to come home to an empty house and pack all Bill's things away. They have the luxury of pretending he's at home. You didn't. Of course, when you talk to them be more diplomatic about it. For me, it hits too close to home and pisses me off!

My X-Bro in law did the same to me via email and denied it point blank to his family. My outlaws acted as if I had gone through a divorce, not a death, shunning me. The only one understanding was my cousin-in-law.

By the way, I'm engaged to the friend of Cliff's I got together with and we have an amazing almost 3-year-old son together. He moved in as a roommate after Cliff died (he needed an apartment, I needed a roomie to make bills). We knew each other for a few years before Cliff had died. I met his family before I met him. My new in-laws are amazing and my best friends. I haven't talked to my former out-laws in years.

Need any other advise about this, feel free to ask.
[User Picture]
Date:August 10th, 2009 01:14 am (UTC)
I had to tell them to fuck off, I am the mother of his kids to get the kids they go through me, i had to tell bills brother and his wife im done with them and they will play no roll in mine or my kids life treating me like that. bills brother was so cold and nasty to me, it just makes me so sad!
[User Picture]
Date:October 14th, 2009 12:16 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry to read this. It's hard enough trying to make a life for yourself again without having people close to you stand in your way. I think you're right...Bill loved you and wanted you to be happy. If it also brings happiness to his best friend, then so much the better. There is room to both love Bill and welcome someone else into your life too. I wish his family could realize that.
[User Picture]
Date:November 13th, 2009 06:36 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine what this must be like for you... They need to realise that although they have lost a son and brother, you have lost a husband... which is a different thing entirely. It is foolish for them to expect you to devote the rest of your life to grieving for Bill and not allow yourself any happiness.

Surely Bill would be so happy to see you happy. I hope this situation works out for the best and that your in-laws can quit being so irrational and allowing their pain and grief to take over their sense of reason.

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